My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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