Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
