I puked a lego.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
