my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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