At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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