My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize