i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
