I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
