I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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