i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
