She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
