Already got asked if we're dating
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
