That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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