I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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