How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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