i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
