Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
