tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
