she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
