im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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