And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
