I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm at about main and main street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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