I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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