Whod you bang
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
