I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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