i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
