I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
