I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
