3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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