Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
