Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
