I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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