Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
