'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you would pick up someone in the library
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What a dumb baby whore.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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