Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
