So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
high people should be assigned attendants
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
