I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
