just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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