The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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