Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
