Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
