I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
should my penis look like a turkey
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
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i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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