i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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