I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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