I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
