Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
