guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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