Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
