he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize