It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
