he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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