I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
