He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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