I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
