i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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