She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
