Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
