those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i love accidental penises.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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