I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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