I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
