life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
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