I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All I want is dick and wine.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
