This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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