forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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