We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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