Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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