I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
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both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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