we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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