how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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