I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
