I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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