So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
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It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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