i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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