I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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