its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
