I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
