I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
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Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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