Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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