Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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