I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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