i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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