Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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