Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
