used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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