Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
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"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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