i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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