She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
